It is well with my Soul.

I’m scared of money. There I said it. I’ll come back to this and explain more a little later in the post. I promise it’s relative.

Welp RPC did it again…another moving message was delivered this Sunday. Once again I was captivated, hanging on every word and once again it seemed to be written specifically for what we are facing in our life at the moment. Funny how that works. It was appropriately titled ‘No Satisfaction’.

Our pastor spoke about finding rest in God and made a good point in saying that our soul must be satisfied before we can find true happiness. But how does one satisfy a soul? He broke down our needs into 3 different categories:

Crucial Needs- God, hope, peace, joy, unconditional love, meaning etc.

Critical Needs- good friends, happy family

Casual Needs- nice house, pretty clothes, fine dining

I’m sure you can all guess what I’m getting at…the majority of us seem to prioritize these needs a little backwards (Casual, Critical, Crucial). We all know and say that we need to live our life in the correct order (Crucial, Critical, Casual) but are we really living that way?

The soul won’t do shallow. Meaning that we will never be completely happy if our soul isn’t resting in God. Which got me to thinking…is He in every decision I make? Do those decisions bring me closer to Him? Is it well with my soul?

This brings me to my confession at the beginning of this post. Money scares me. Lack of money scares me (as it does most people) but more than that too much money scares me (I know I’m not normal). I’m sure most of you at this point are saying ‘Is there a such thing as too much money??’ Chasing paper seems to be the main motivator that people are striving for which is ironic because it seems like the chase is never ending. We become a hamster on the most impossible wheel because money. does. not. satisfy. Hence my fear.

We’ve all heard the saying ‘Money is the root of all evil.’ This saying seems to be at the forefront of my thoughts lately. For the last 9+ years I’ve lived like a college student, 4 of those years were because I was actually in college but the last 5 have been because Dane is in med school and we are on one income. In 11 months he graduates and will be a pharmacist. We will not only go from 1 income to 2 but that second income will be on a slightly different scale. Enter fear.

Couple that with a rising business and a new one in the works (more on that later) and my fear grows. Stomach in knots, constantly.

We may live in a quaint little house, be childless, and rarely take vacations but we have been blissfully happy these past few years. It has been well with my soul. An increased bank account has the potential to change all of that.

This new lifestyle that is on our horizon seems to be all anyone is talking about to us. When Dane graduates will you buy a bigger house? When Dane graduates will you start a family? When your business gets bigger will you expand? All I hear is an abnormally loud and speedy heartbeat partnered with the weight of the world. Slightly dramatic? Probably. But nonetheless my fear monster grew.

And then I went to church on Sunday. It was made abundantly clear to me that I need to use new changes to not only make it well with my soul but also my sweet hubby’s and together we need to show up for others. Why didn’t I think of that?? I’ll tell you why…because change generates fear and fear can be paralyzing. BUT yesterday’s message made it clear that despite how big or small the change as long as I keep my needs in the correct order everything is good.

As we were riding our bikes later that evening I realized I was breathing a little easier and I slept a little sounder last night. I’m perfectly happy knowing God has my back and my hubby is at my side. It is well with my soul.

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